


Hush-a-by- Sammy

by ereynolds



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baby Sam Winchester, Baby bottle, Bed-Wetting, Big Brother, Diapers, Gen, High Chair, Hurt Sammy, Infantilism, Non-con in the begining, Pacifier - Freeform, Protective Dean, possibly dub con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-23 00:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7458715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ereynolds/pseuds/ereynolds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sammy been away to Stanford for 4 years, and 2 years complete radio silence from Dean and John.<br/>Which is what Sam wanted since he started, but this past year his senior year at Stanford have been getting harder and harder on his emotional and mental mind. He can feel himself slipping a bit here and there, thank god he's almost to the finish line of his career goal- he got a high score on his LSAT; line-up an interview with Stanford law school and he wants to propose to Jess on Christmas its all perfect....until one day it isn't and Dean had to come back into his life just when everything was perfect..ookay maybe not so perfect, he hasn't been doing great these past 6 months and started just making little mistakes here and there in class, oh yeah and he has been keeping a secret from everyone (including Jess) but of course Dean would know, Dean knows everything about Sam... when doesn't he and maybe, maybe Sam wanted Dean to find out ,maybe Sam just want to let go a bit or ...maybe a lot ... only Dean knows and understand this side of him...and doesn't see him as a freak for liking this side of himself</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello All, this is me attempting to add more infantilism fics to the supernatural age play/infantilism community.  
> I know I still have my Knight of Hell Fic (Don't worry will post Chapter 14 sometime this month)
> 
> I apologize if I am not posting as often, but in reality its hard being the only one (actually a small and I mean small number of us) who loves "adult baby Sam" and I can't find other writers to get inspiration from or new infantilism stories that has baby Sam to enjoy and keep my creative juices flowing. So I keep away from AO3, only log in to post, and just keep a journal next to me to fill when an Idea pops in for my already posted fics and any new ideas- so it will be taking me longer to post chapters or write stories. so please know and expect 2 to 3 month delay in posting for these fics.....
> 
> Oh I wanted to thank Mrs. PixieLeigh1234 (one of my Favorite writes on this community) who Beta this story for me! She is incredible and talented writer and has me fall in love with Sammy each time I re-read her story "Home"

# Chapter 1: Hush little Sammy don’t say a word:

 

Sam scuttles backwards as Dean steps into the room of his apartment.

“Dean? What are you doing here?”

“I was in the area and I thought I’d drop in for a beer,” Dean replies casually.

Sam’s eyebrow furrows in concentration wondering how to answer. He smiles in the end and decides to play it casual. No sudden moves or twitches to show Dean he is nervous.

“Sure man,” Sam says while opening the fridge and reaching in for two beers.

His stomach plummets when he spots a baby bottle sitting in the first shelf. He pauses for a second and then ignores it, reaching below for the two beers. He turns around and hands one to Dean, watching as Dean easily pops the cap off his. Since Sam does not buy twist off bottle caps, this one you need a bottle opener to open it, but Dean uses his silver ring as he has done on previous occasions in the past.

Sam is still holding his beer unopened, feeling a bit awkward as he realizes he never drank in front of Dean before. He was never old enough. Christ, he left when he was eighteen to go to Stanford, so of course. And then not even when he went to some frat parties.

Believe it or not, Sam hates breaking the law and he knows he was underage to drink. Not to mention his upbringing unconsciously would not let him take that first drink at nineteen, when he was passed a beer or an Alcoholic beverage. But then at twenty he met Jess and she taught him how to unwind and not be so uptight or too serious. So he experienced his first drink.  

Sam is still fiddling with the beer bottle when he hears Dean clear his throat. Sam looks at him and Dean has his hand out to him. Sam has a look of confusion on his face before understanding Dean is asking for the beer bottle from him.

“Oh,” Sam quickly passes the bottle to Dean. Dean uncaps the bottle for him and passes it back to Sam. 

Sam for one split second almost fumbles with the bottle and drops it. Thankfully he catches it at the last minute with his left, but unfortunately ends up spilling some beer over the spout onto his hand.

“Damn it!” Sam huffs out, as he tries to clean it up with his sleeve shirt at the same time Dean reaches for the towel on the counter.

“Here.” Dean reaches over to remove the bottle and wipe Sam’s hands.

Sam realizes what Dean is about to do and quickly steps back. “I got it,” he says indignantly.

But before Sam can grab the towel for himself, he ends up slipping on the spilled beer on the floor and lands flat on his ass. In the process the bottle once again slips from his hand and breaks to the left of him.

“Sam, don’t move,” Dean tells him and he leans down to help Sam.

“No, Dean, I got it,” Sam attempts to get up and slips back down, slamming his left hand down on the broken pieces of glass on the floor. Sam jerks his hand up and hisses in pain.

“Sammy, I said don’t move,” Dean’s tone takes on an edge

Sam drops his head down and holds his hand close to his chest, shoulder sagging in defeat and nods his head. He sits there as he hears Dean move around the kitchen, collecting paper towels, broom and dustpan. His brother makes quick work of the mess and broken glass on the floor. Once Dean makes sure there are no other broken pieces of glass on the floor, he stands behind Sam and puts one hand on his shoulder.

Sam tenses at first. Then he sees Dean lowering himself down to his right next to him, into a crouch, and places his arm around Sam’s waist.

“Okay now we are going to stand up. Hold onto me,” Dean instructs Sam.

Sam keeps his left hand still close to his chest but grabs on to Dean with his right and pushes up with his legs as Dean hauls him up. Before he can push away from Dean, Dean wraps his arm around Sam’s waist and starts walking him to the bathroom in his bedroom.

Of course Dean would know where his bathroom is. He probably already knows the whole layout of Sam’s apartment. Maybe the whole apartment building too.

Sam sits on the toilet seat and Dean stands in front of him.

“Let me see,” he reaches for Sam’s hand.

 

Sam holds his hand closer. “Dean, I got it. I can take care of it myself,” he says looking down at his sneakers.

“Sam, now,” Dean’s tone is firm.

Sam relents and slowly pulls his hand away from his chest where he can already feel a wet spot on his shirt. Dean takes a hold of his hand gently and helps Sam open up his fingers which are curled closed at the moment.

There is a pool of blood in the cusp of his hand and now starting to drip over the side. Dean leans his hand over the sink and the blood drips out of Sam’s hand into the sink.

Dean looks closely at his hand and sighs. “Okay. You got a couple of pieces of glass embedded in your hand,” Dean tells Sam. “Where’s your first aid?” he asks. Sam points to the top drawer of the sink counter. When Dean opens it up and looks inside, he looks at Sam like he’s kidding. “You’re joking right?”

“Dean, four years of no hunting! There was no need to keep half the stuff we kept in our bags. Especially for normal scrapes, cuts, bruises and burns.”

“Stay. Don’t’ move,” Dean warns and walks out of the bathroom, probably to go to the car and get the first aid kit he carries.

Sam groans and puts his head down on his arm that at the moment is lying across the sink counter.

Why? Why does he get all butterfingers around Dean?

Geeze it’s like he converts back to that clumsy awkward child he once was. He has been living on his own for four years! The first year he had to shake that whole shy, scared little boy image he had built over eighteen years of living and growing up with Dean. There was no big brother to hide behind when being introduced to strangers, no one to make sure he ate, went to bed and woke him up to have plenty of time to have breakfast and get going to school on time.

It had been hard that whole first year. It was so ingrained in him that when he finished his last class for the day and walked out the building, he kept forgetting there was no Dean waiting for him outside. When he walked into his dorm, he missed Dean’s voice greeting him and asking about his day. Nights were the worst. ‘Cause he always had a routine set with Dean; in bed by 9pm and that was after he turned thirteen. Before it was 8:30pm.

Thank god he did not have to share a dorm with a roommate. His scores and full scholarship earnt him his own dorm. Otherwise he probably would have been thought of as weird when he would turn the light off at 9pm.

Yup. That whole freshman year he had to shake off a lot of habits and re-learn what normal eighteen and nineteen year olds do. There are still some things he could not let go; even Jess does not know some of his most embarrassing habits. Except the biting of his left thumb when he is stressed. She thinks it is adorable. Thank god he no longer sucks his thumb like he did his first year here. It would happen when he’d fall asleep and was stressing about a test or project due to many thoughts in his head. When he awoke the next morning after a fitful sleep, he would find the offending digit in his mouth, sometimes with drool pooling in the corner of his mouth.

He blames this bad habit on Dean. Crap, he was freaking trusting everything his brother did was right and best for Sam. God. No wonder some of the kids thought he was weird in third grade. Whenever he saw Dean he would just run up to him and jump in his arms. Not his fault he was small for his age so he was able to get away with this until fifth grade.

 

** Flashback: **

_He was ten and still small for his age; Dean was fourteen; tall for his age and already developing that strong broad shoulders and chest. That would be the day Sam would get a dose of reality of his behavior._

_Dean had shown up during recess. Sam as always excited to see his big brother ran to him and jumped up. Dean caught him and swung him around, tucking him in his chest. Sam was more than happy to lay his head on Dean’s shoulder. He didn’t mean to do the next move; it was just instinct as he rested his head, his hand automatically rising up and in went his thumb._

_Sam would not know what happened after as he and Dean left the schoolyard; Dean had shown-up to his school to pick him up early. But when he got back the next day, it would be the worst day of his young life as he found out how he was with Dean was not the average norm with other siblings._

_Ten year olds do not get hugs or cuddles from their older sibling. Or suck their thumb, as he would later figure out._

Sam sighs at the memory and kind of gets a lump in his throat remembering that was the first change in his life and different relationship with Dean.

He kind of regrets and misses that his ignorant bliss was taken away. He already knew monsters existed by then and was learning to hunt and research with his father and brother. But Dean and John had managed to keep his naiveté and innocence still intact. They trained him and taught him about certain monsters and how to do research. But in reality not really allowing him to go on dangerous hunts with them until he was fourteen. And only because he threw a fit.

_Back to that awful day in 5 th grade. He walked up to Steve and Ross during recess, his two best friends - or so he thought. They seemed to ignore him in class during the morning when he tried talking to them._

_“Hey guys” he called up to them._

_Steve and Ross were at the top of the Jungle Gym as Sam grabbed the lower bar to haul himself up._

_“Go away, Sam,” Steve called down to him._

_Sam looked-up startled at Steve’s voice._

_And then Ross joined in. “Yeah, go away we don’t play with babies.”_

_Sam looked hurt and confused. He did not understand what he did wrong? The tone that Steve’s voice took on when he said “baby”, sounded like it was supposed to inflict pain or humiliation; and that confused Sam even more because he was Dean’s baby. That was what his big brother told him every night before bed time. Was that wrong?_

_Before he could say or ask anything, he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder and was spun around. Alex and his friends were surrounding him and Sam was pushed up against the bars._

_“Don’t you know babies are not allowed on the jungle gym,” Alex jeered at him (Alex had always been nice to him too.)_

_“You should be playing in the kindergarteners’ yard,” David added._

_Steve jumped down from the jungle gym and joined in, “Better yet he should be with the pre-schoolers’.”_

_They all started laughing._

_Sam felt his eyes start to fill with tears, but he was not gonna cry in front of them._

_Alex noticed them though. “Hey guys, he’s tearing up!” he said meanly._

_“What’s the matter? You gonna cry?” Steve teased “Baby gonna cry now?”_

_Sam bit his lower lip to stop it from trembling and looked down at the ground. Then it happened. The first tear slipped down his cheek and then the taunting began._

_“Cry Baby Winchester! Cry Baby Winchester!”_

_Sam dropped to the ground and put his head on his knees to hide the cascading tears coming down fast._

_Then he heard it. A low growl and then Dean was there next to him, arms around Sam and pulling him in. Sam threw his arms around Dean and buried himself in Dean’s chest, sobbing. He then felt Dean’s arm slip under his legs and he was lifted up from the ground. He clung tighter to Dean, his tears never stopping. He could hear Dean saying something to the kids around them, but couldn’t hear him from his crying loudly into Dean. He peeked a little and saw them backing away and scrambling._

_Sam reburied his head again. He could feel Dean walking and the next thing he knew, they were back in the motel and he heard Dean drop their school bags to the floor._

_Then Dean was moving again and Sam could hear Dean open the door to the bathroom and then the running water from a faucet. He was still clinging to Dean, but only shuddering and hiccupping now. Then he felt Dean sit down and set Sam in his lap._

_“Okay Sammy,” Dean said as he gently pulled Sam away from his chest. Sam can see a big wet spot on Dean’s T-shirt from where his face was._

_Dean lifted up Sam’s face and started cleaning his face. After cleaning his face, Dean reached over and turned on the water for the tub, waited for it to fill and then proceeded to remove Sam’s clothes and lift him into the tub. Sam was completely plaint through it all. He needed Dean’s comfort and warmth after what happened today, which he still didn’t understand._

_After his bath, Dean dressed him in his blue pajamas and tucked him in and read a story to him. He fell asleep to Dean’s low soothing voice. And when he awoke again he was in the back seat of the Impala bundled up in blankets._

_‘So that’s why Dean shown up early to pick me up’, Sam realized. Dad must have called him and told Dean to go get Sam and pack everything up. It was dark outside from what he could see. He looked over to the front of the car and could see his dad and Dean._

_Dean turned around as though he could sense him. He smiled at Sam. “Go back to sleep Sammy, it’s late.”_

_Sam sighed and burrowed into the thick blankets and started sucking on the pacifier that was in his mouth to help lull him to sleep. He was safe, he was in the Impala, with his father and brother and leaving, not having to worry about facing Steve and Ross again …_

 

** Present:  **

Sam groans at the memory. It is still vivid since it was such a turning point in his life. But he would remain clueless for one more year until sixth grade. But he did learn his lesson when he ended up at another school after that day. When Dean showed up to pick him up after school, Sam still ran to him but held back in jumping in his arms. Dean looked a bit confused, but accepted his little brother’s hand when Sam held out his hand to walk together.

** Flashback: **

_It would be when he met Ben two years later, in Arizona Middle School. Ben was cool and he had a big brother like Sam did. And Sam saw them get along great, but he noticed things too. Ben and Steph never hugged or held hands while walking. Also after Dean met Ben and considered him safe enough to let him go to his house to do a project together - Dean had detention that week and he needed Sam to be somewhere safe - Sam noticed how Ben and Steph interacted. Although they did greet each other when Ben got home, they parted ways and each went to do their own thing._

_“Doesn’t your brother make sure you do your homework first before you do anything?” Sam asked._

_Ben peered at him like he was nuts. “No, dude. I’m responsible for that, not Steph. Besides he has his own homework and projects to take care of,” Ben replied._

_“Oh,” Sam answered. “What about your after school snack? Aren’t you hungry?”_

_“Duh,” Ben replied again. “That’s why we’re going to the kitchen.” They walk into a large kitchen. Sam felt a bit lost and confused as he watched Ben walk up to the double door silver fridge and open it. “What do you feel like? We got cereal and hot pockets. Frozen pizza. Or we can make sandwiches?” He looked over at Sam._

_Sam was twisting the hem of his shirt looking down._

_“Dude you okay?” Ben has walked over to him._

_Sam wouldn’t look up as he spoke. “I’m not allowed near any appliance that can hurt me,” Sam mumbled feeling his face flame in embarrassment._

_Ben studied Sam, his head cocked to one side. “Hey, um, have you ever made your own lunch or snacks?” Ben finally asked._

_“Dean always has them ready for me,” Sam replied softly._

_“Oh well, wow. He must be a pretty cool brother to have time to make your food while still taking care of his own things,” Ben smiled._

_Sam finally looked up. “Yeah, he is,” Sam beamed at Ben._

_Ben chuckled at Sam’s answer. “Well how about we work together making sandwiches for you, me, and we’ll take one to Steph.”_

_“Um, okay?” Sam agrees unsure._

_“Hey, don’t worry, I’ll hand you the stuff. All you have to do is line them up on the counter. Sound good?” Sam nodded his head. Ben smiled again at Sam and he walked back to the fridge._

_This time Sam followed. He stood behind Ben, and Ben handed him the deli meats; ham, turkey, baloney, and roast beef. Then cheeses; American, Cheddar and Swiss. Next the lettuce, tomatoes, onions and avocados. Last condiments; mayo, mustard and ketchup._

_Sam looked at everything and looked back at Ben. “You put all this in your sandwiches?”_

_“Nah, just what I like. Um, like mayo and mustard, plus lettuce and tomatoes and of course, ham and turkey.”_

_“What’s the extra stuff for?”_

_“Well I wasn’t sure what you like in your sandwich. But Steph, yeah he puts all of this in his,” Ben smirks. “Okay. How about you spread the bread with the condiments and I build them?”_

_“Um sure,” Sam replied uncertainly._

_Ben looked at Sam. “You do know how to spread Mayo on bread right?” Sam’s face fell and Ben felt guilty, remembering how Sam already said Dean makes their food for them. “Hey, no worries, I’ll show you.”_

_Ben grabbed a butter knife and grabbed some mayo on the knife and spread evenly on one side of the bread. He grabbed the mustard and squirted some on the other slice of bread and used the same knife to spread it._

_He smiled at Sam. “See, that’s it. Now your turn.”_

_Sam hesitated a moment and grabbed the butter knife. He should tell Ben he’s not allowed to use knives unless Dean’s there, but Ben so far has been so cool about everything he doesn’t want to keep piling more stuff on his new friend. Sam grabbed the mayo jar and does exactly like Ben did and spreads the mayo on his bread on both sides, then grabs the mustard and held it carefully upside down and squirts. Then he spread the mustard too._

_He smiled really big at Ben, feeling something inside of him. ‘I did it,’ Sam thought, feeling actually amazing that he did something himself. “Now I’ll do Steph’s’ bread too. You said he likes all three condiments on his, right?”_

_“Yup.” Ben smiled and he felt for some strange reason pretty proud of his friend. He guessed it was because the way Sam was smiling like it was the biggest deal in the whole world doing something as simple as spreading mayo on bread. So he decided to show Sam how to build a whole sandwich right there and then._

_When they were finished, there was a mess but Sam was grinning and more than happy to help clean up too._

_Together they went upstairs to Steph’s room and surprised him with his sandwich. Steph let them play a couple of video games and then Ben reminded Sam they need to work on some of the homework assigned to them._

_Sam was thrilled and full of energy when Dean came by to pick him up and shared everything he did with Ben, especially making his own sandwich. He remembered Dean smiling as Sam babbled on while they walked down the street. Then he yawned. It was 6:00pm evening and knew Dean would have dinner waiting for him and then bath time and then bed time._

_“Tired, baby?” Dean asked him._

_Sam looked up at Dean and blinked owlishly at him and nodded. “Mm-hmm,” Sam replied._

_Dean chuckled and reached down and picked him up. Sam was more than happy to be picked up and held close to Dean. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and his legs around Dean’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder._

_They were four blocks down the street when Sam thought he heard someone calling to him. But he was just too tired to lift his head up. Dean stopped and Sam felt him turn around. What was Dean waiting for? Then he heard it, it was Ben’s voice. It was closer now. And then Sam heard the tires of a bike braking right in front of Dean._

_Dean felt Sam stiffen and started to rub his back to get him to relax, but Sam couldn’t relax, not with Ben standing right there, watching them._

_“Uh, I’m sorry to bother you guys, but Sam forgot this,” Ben sounded like he was embarrassed._

_Sam felt Dean reach out for something with one arm (the one rubbing his back) while his other arm still rested under Sam’s butt, holding him up. “Thank you,” he heard Dean say._

_“Yeah, no prob. Sorry again.” Then Sam heard Ben peddle off._

_He felt himself relax after Ben left. “You okay, Sammy?” He heard Dean ask. Sam just nodded his head and went back to sleep._

_Next day at school he was afraid to see Ben. Remembering fifth grade all over again with Steve and Ross, wondering if Ben was going to make fun of him because Dean was carrying him. When he saw Ben in third period, Ben just smiled at him and waved him over. Sam’s heart was pounding as he walked over to Ben. But Ben seemed all right with him, just started to talk about their class project._

_Ben and Arizona Middle school would be the best time and experience for Sam. But now that he thinks about it, it was probably the worst for Dean after Sam learnt stuff from Ben when Ben had asked him about his and Dean’s relationship. Sam had asked what he wanted to know._

_Ben had looked at Sam and was thinking how to answer and he finally said, “Call me crazy, but I think Dean is a little over protective of you. More than the average older brother.”_

_Sam had gotten a bit upset arguing Dean just looks out for him making sure Sam was ok._

_“Hey, I understand. I don’t mean to make you upset. I just wanted you to know, uh, I don’t know if you notice but, uh, most eleven year olds don’t get carried by their older sibs. Heck my mom and dad don’t pick me anymore. Just saying in case you didn’t know.” Sam was upset and he looked away. Ben felt bad for his friend trying to understand, so he tried again, “Look, it’s none of my business, but why are you and Dean like, I don’t know, more like parent and child?”_

_Sam bit his lip and replied, “Because Dean raised me since I was a baby.”_

_Ben looked confused. “Wait what? That doesn’t make sense. You and Dean are only four years apart? He’d have been just a babe himself, well a toddler, right?”_

_“I know,” Sam replied._

_“So then where were your parents?” Ben asked. Sam’s eyes glazed over. ‘Oh shit,’ Ben thought. “You don’t have to answer,” Ben tells Sam quickly._

_“No, its okay. It’s just really hard to talk about it.” Sam took a deep breath. “My mom died when I was just a baby and Dean was four.”_

_“Aw jeez, dude, that sucks I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried,” Ben felt bad._

_“No, that’s okay, really,” Sam answered. “Dean’s been looking out for me ever since then.”_

_“That’s great. But, uh, what about your dad?” Sam looked away quickly. ‘Damn,’ Ben thought, ‘I really have to stop putting my foot in my mouth’._

_“He works really hard to keep Dean and me fed and clothed. And his job requires him to travel a lot. That’s why it’s always been Dean’s job to take care of me.”_

_“Wow. Your brother is like some kind of hero, huh?” Ben asked._

_That made Sam smile big. “You have no idea,” Sam said. If only he could tell Ben how Dean and his dad save people’s lives on a daily basis._

_Ben just replied, “Look, you know what? It’s none of my business. If you’re comfortable with your relationship with your brother, then who am I to say different, right?”_

_Sam studied Ben and said, “It’s not the first time that someone found it weird how I act with Dean.”_

_“Huh? What do you mean?”_

_“Last year in Oregon I had these two friends. I never really thought about how I love to be hugged and picked up by Dean. It’s just always been normal for me.” Sam went on to tell Ben what happened._

_“Well those are jerks. Those aren’t really friends,” Ben told Sam._

_Sam paused before he spoke, “No, I don’t think they meant to be jerks. Just like you they didn’t know how to react when they saw me and Dean.” Before Ben could say anything else Sam jumped in again, knowing what he wanted to say and ask his friend, before he lost his nerve. “Look, it’s like you said five minutes ago. You don’t get carried by your big brother or parents. And in fact I’m guessing our whole grade doesn’t either?” Sam asked._

_Ben looked at his friend and tried to be honest with him. “Look, what do they know? Or me for that matter.”_

_“But it matters, right? It’s not normal, right?” Sam asked again._

_“No, its not. But you shouldn’t doubt your brother’s love for you,” Ben told Sam._

_“I don’t,” Sam told Ben. “I just want to know what things are normal for my age.”_

_“Oh jeez. I think you should be asking your brother,” Ben told Sam._

_Sam bit his lower lip and he turned his pleading eyes to Ben._

_‘Oh shit,’ Ben thought, ‘this kid is already three inches shorter than me, now with that look, he looks like a kicked puppy.’_

_“Please, Ben, I don’t have anyone to ask. I know Dean loves me but I know he’ll just tell me not to worry about it and move on.”_

_“Uhhhh,” Ben sighed and sagged his shoulders. “Okay, Sam. You can ask me anything.”_

_They would stay in the area for two months and that was enough for Sam to understand certain things and also start rebelling for some independence. That two months with Ben and his brother Steph would be the stepping stone for Sam and by the time Thurman High school rolled around that would be the climatic point for Sam when he would start arguments for the first time with his Dad and then later Dean too. He didn’t cross Dean too many times, because it was difficult knowing how much Dean had done everything for him and given up._

** Present: **

Sam lifts his head from his arm as he hears Dean walk back into the bathroom. Med kit in hand, Dean places it on the sink next to Sam’s hand. His hand is still oozing blood and dripping in the sink.

Dean lifts Sam’s hand and turns on the faucet again and lets the water run over, until it stops bleeding somewhat. He takes out the medical tweezers from the kit and proceeds to pull out the small pieces of glass from Sam’s hand. Sam winces in pain and then hisses out when Dean has to go a little deeper.

“Sorry, Sammy,’ Dean gently says. “I can put some topical anesthesia on it, so you don’t feel the pain?” Dean suggests.

“No, it’s okay, I’m fine,” Sam replies. And then it happens, his breath hitches a bit and he looks away quickly from Dean, blinking his eyes fast. Because great now they’re slightly glazed a bit.

“Sammy,” Dean calls him.

“Hmm?” Sam turns around and faces Dean still blinking and gosh damn it; now his lower lip is trembling a bit.

What is going on with him?

Okay so maybe he missed this bit of attention from Dean these past four years. But that does not mean he has to fall apart at the first sight of Dean.

Dean watches him and carefully, gently reaches out to him, passes his fingers through his hanging bangs.

Inwardly, Sam flinches, but outwardly he relaxes and by relaxing he lets the first tear drop fall.

“S’alright, Sammy, it’ll only hurt for a minute. Small sting and then I’ll bandage it up. Then you can rest a bit.”

Sam just nods his head, not trusting himself to speak. Dean reaches into the kit, pulling out a small spray bottle and sprays Sam’s hand with it. Sam begins to feel it, the numbness covering the outer layer of his hand. _Oh topical anesthesia_ , Sam thinks appreciatively.  

Dean goes back to pulling out all the small glass pieces out of his hand once more. When he finished, he again washes Sam’s hand, then applies some ointment on there. Then Dean grabs a gauze and surgical tape and bandages Sam’s hand.

“There. All finished,” Dean tells Sam.

Sam shakes his head and mumbles, “Thanks” and then gets up quickly. Too quickly, cause he almost lost his balance again. But stops himself and grabs onto the door, but not before Dean’s arm already slips around his waist.  

“Hey, easy there, Tiger.”

“M’sorry,” Sam hangs his head.

“For what?” Dean asks, confusion in his voice.

Sam glances at Dean and bites his lower lip and answers. “I’m being all clumsy and you’re having to put up with it and take care of everything.” _Again_ , Sam thinks in his mind.

“Hey, that’s my job. Looking after my pain in the ass little brother,” Dean smiles.

He guides Sam to his bedroom. Sam notices Dean has drawn the curtains and has folded down the blankets.

“Dean, it’s 3:30 in the afternoon. Why do you have the curtains drawn?’

“So you can take a nap,” Dean replies easily.

“Uh, I don’t need a nap, Dean.”

“Yes, you do,” Dean replies guiding Sam towards the bed.

Okay that does it for Sam. This is his home and Dean does not have a right to dictate him in his own home.

Sam pulls away from Dean at the last minute, trying to catch Dean off guard. But of course Dean was prepared for this little rebellion of Sam’s. After all these years Dean can still read Sammy’s body language and knew Sam was five minutes from throwing a tantrum.

He allows Sam to slip from his grip at his waist, but holds on to his bicep. Which he knows will infuriate his brother, but also tire him out cause he knows a tired Sam is a cranky Sam and this is for his own good.

“DEAN!” Sam yells (and here it comes, Dean thinks) as Sam maneuvers himself from Dean’s grasp, but realizes Dean is still holding his arm. He pulls and twists, but could not for the life of him shake Dean off. He finally stomps his foot. “Dean, let go!” he huffs.

“Sammy, calm down,” Dean’s tone is calm but firm and this infuriates Sam.

“It’s Sam! And NO, Dean, you don’t get to tell me what to do anymore!” He starts pulling and leaning away from Dean, his feet dragging and slipping on the floor as he tries to wrench his arm away.

If anyone was to see this image from an outside point of view, Sam would look like a petulant child throwing a fit not getting his way.

Sam finally screams in frustration as he pulls harder. Why, Why, Why, why!!  Does Dean always manage to reduce him to this! _No not this time I am a twenty-two year old senior in Stanford. I scored a one-seventy-two on my LSAT_ , he tells himself mentally. He huffs and realizes there are tears brimming in his eyes.

 

And that’s the breaking point and Sam gives in to the anger, frustration and tiredness he feels and has been feeling welling up inside his chest (maybe for the past several months now?), gives into the turmoil of emotions rolling over him like a wave.

“NO, Dean! NO NAP! I”M NOT Tired! You can’t do this, LET GO, Let go” Tears are now streaming down Sam’s face as he twists and turns and actually tries to kick Dean. This frustrates Sam more as he reaches with his other arm to try and wipe them away!

“That is enough, SAM!” Dean’s voice is loud and authoritative.

Sam freezes and looks at Dean and he has that ‘Do not argue with me little boy’ gaze. Sam drops his face and the fight goes out of him.

“Please, Dean, I’m not really tired,” Sam whispers as he feels the tears still cascading down his face. “And Jess will be home soon.”

“No, Sam. If you had bothered to play your messages as soon as you got home, you would know Jess is working a late shift today at the library.”

“Jess is working late?” Sam bites his lower lip.

“Yeah, Sammy, so come on.” Dean is standing next to Sam and wraps his arm around Sam’s waist again, and before Sam can do or say anything else Dean pulls him in close and then lifts.

Sam is about to protest. But then Dean rubs his back and shushes him and Sam slumps against Dean’s broad chest. His inner self actually delighting in the contact, comfort and care he feels at being taken care of again by Dean. He feels Dean walk towards his bed and then lower himself down on the bed, being careful not to jostle Sam in his arms.

He then lowers Sam on his pillow and Sam blinks tiredly back up at Dean who chuckles

“Not tired, huh?” He slips out from under Sam’s legs and goes to untie Sam’s sneakers, pulling them off and then reaches up to Sam’s jeans and undoes Sam’s jeans and proceeds to pull them off. He grabs a blue clean rag from the nightstand and wipes Sammy’s face from all the tears and then has him blow his nose.

Throughout the whole process Sam is pliant, allowing Dean to undress him and cover him up with the quilt on the bed. He snuffles into his pillow and blanket and sees Dean reach over to the dresser next to Sam. As Sam closes his eyes, he feels something being pushed at his lips. He opens his eyes slightly to see what it is and then his eyes go wide and he looks up at Dean, wordlessly shaking his head ‘no’.

“S’alright, baby. No one will know. Besides I know you miss it. Why else would you keep it safe at the bottom of your drawer? I know you still use it when Jess is not home and you’ve had a stressful day.”

Sam whimpers as he feels the rubber part of the yellow pacifier against his lips. He’s trying to break that habit and Dean is not helping. But if Dean had his way he’d still be with him and possibly John too.

“Please, Dean, I’ll take my nap. I don’t need that,” Sam whispers.

“Sammy, open up now.”

Sam sees Dean’s face set, and he slowly parts his lips and Dean slips in the pacifier. And damn it should not feel this good. All his tension melts away and his mind coos inside himself, happy that Dean is here to take care of him and he can sleep knowing Dean won’t let anything bad happen to him.

He blinks sleepily at Dean and Dean’s face is all warm and full of love for him.  

“Go to sleep, Sammy,” Dean says as he runs his fingers through Sam’s hair, massaging his scalp.

Sam shouldn’t smile. But he does so around his pacifier and closes his eyes and falls asleep immediately.

As Dean keeps running his hand through Sammy’s hair, his face changes and he gets this set determined look on his face. He knew it! Sam is still pretending to be something he’s not and whether he like it or not Sammy is coming home with him.

He’s been keeping an eye on his kid these past two years and seen the worn down and stress was wreaking havoc on Sammy’s health and wellbeing.

Not to mention what he learned from John recently and that made it even more imperative that he takes Sam now to keep him safe. Dean will have to slowly bait his time and play his part well as he slowly but surely wrestles control back from Sammy.

Beside Sam’s just a baby. Always has been, always will be. He does not know what he wants, he only thinks he does.

 

 

 


	2. Rock-a-by-baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam secretly realizes he has been emotionally and mentally slipping and sliding,he was just hoping he could hide it a bit longer, but its getting so hard and he doesn't want to anymore at times- he just wants someone to make it better, but he's too stubborn to admit he needs help- So when Dean shows up; inside he wants to jump for joy, but outside he still needs to show Dean "I can do it on my own"...but maybe, just maybe he can let go this once and get back on track later?  
> But Dean is also there not just to help Sam, there is a reason he showed up and he will need to tell Sam later, but for now he'll take care of everything like he always done for Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you all for liking this story and once again thank you MIss. Pixieleigh1234 for beta-ing for me!  
> I hope you all like chapter 2- I don't know exactly where I am headed with this one too. I just felt the compulsion to write this season one a little differently.
> 
> once again thank you for all the comments and kudos this make my day and encourages me to continue

#  **Chapter 2: Rock-a-by Baby**

 

Sam stretches in bed and feels really good. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe he just needed a nap to relieve the stress of today and all week (finals). But then he feels the plastic rubber thing in his mouth and he sits up fast, spitting out the pacifier into his hand.

He feels his face grow hot with the realization that Dean found what he’s been keeping hidden from Jess and everyone else (including Dean). Which means Dean knew since he walked in here. 

Sam’s heart beats a little faster.  _ It doesn’t matter _ , he tells himself. 

It’s like he told Dean, he does not really need it. He broke that habit two years ago. Well, maybe not completely. Just on occasions when he’s had a really shitty day or felt like the projects and term papers and keeping a 4.0 in college was getting to him; and the overwhelming nature of the big world trying to swallow him. He discovered one night this took the edge off. 

It’s not like he smokes, takes drugs or drinks like other students or worse cuts himself to relive stress. He just sucks on a simple - not a big deal - pacifier. Sam groans. It sounds like a lame excuse to him. But still, he really does not use it that often. 

Today had been a stupid day. His history professor had asked him to wait after class and had told him he made a mistake on his term paper regarding the information with the Aztec and Mayan civilizations… 

_ He looked at his professor like he’s grown another head and did not mean to sound obnoxious about it when he replied, “You must be mistaken, sir. I don’t make errors.” _

_ Professor Dimarco looked at him through his glasses. “I understand, Samuel, that you are one of the best and brightest I’ve had in this class in a long time. But remember, to err is to be human and as a famous Song quote “even the best of us fall down.” The teacher was trying to lighten the situation with a joke as he can see that Sam Winchester was frowning and his face had turned red. _

_ “Yes, I get that, but I  _ _ don’t _ _ ,” Sam replied thru gritted teeth. Sam told himself to mentally breathe. It’s not the teacher’s fault that he is always thorough with research. _

_ “The data you’ve collected is excellent work, Mister Winchester. But you applied it in the wrong circa of the civilization demographics,” Professor Dimarco finally explained. _

_ “WHAT!?”  Sam grabbed his paper from the teacher’s hand and saw that he did. “But that’s impossible. How could I have not caught that?” Sam is really perplexed and starts to bite his lower lip. _

_ The professor is beginning to feel bad for his student as he’s never seen Sam react this way. “This information you gathered and wrote is all phenomenal and accurate. It is just in the wrong demographics of the culture. It will just take one rewritten page to correct it. It won’t even be marked as late if you finish it this evening and email it to me.” _

_ “Huh?” Sam looked confused for a second then reacted. “Oh. Yeah. Got it. Tonight.” _

_ “Everything all right, Mister Winchester?” _

_ “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” Sam’s face was still conflicted but he managed a tight smile before walking off…  _

Yeah, that was awful, but then it happened in calculus. Then his poli sci class. He cannot understand how he made those kind of simple mistakes. He runs his hand through his hair as he sits on his bed and with a look over at the clock, he sees it is 5:30pm.

Crap. He’s supposed to start his shift at the student store at 6:00pm until closing today. Double crap. He just remembers promising his professor he would re-write the one page and send it before midnight. 

Okay, deep breath. He can do this. It’s a weekday, so the store closes at 11pm and then he can get home by 11:30pm. It’s only a rewrite; he can meet the deadline. Then move on to the formulas in calculus. He can do those in his sleep; its only another thirty minutes and re-submit before 7am. That just leaves the whole poli sci paper. That one he will need another hour or two to actually rewrite the whole argumentative point of view in the legislative work for… for…  _ wait, what was the case I took on? _

Crap, he can’t think right now. He’ll just look at his notes later after work on his way back. 

He ran to the bathroom, only to stop when he realizes he is still holding on to that stupid pacifier. He stops at his drawer and opens it up, moving some of his shirts over and pushes at the bottom of the drawer. A secret compartment opens and he drops the pacifier within. He would never run the risk of Jessica finding it. Which makes him sigh, how did Dean even know where to look?

No time to worry about that. He needs to get ready fast. He splashes water on his face and towel dries fast; pulls on a clean flannel shirt and his favorite red hoodie. Slips on his comfortable shoes. He grabs his bag off the floor and walks out into the living room and grabs his house keys from the table top. 

He stops when he sees a certain leather jacket folded over the couch. He looks over to the kitchen area and sees the light on and hears noises in there. Wait, that can’t be right, Jess and he get home at the same time?

He looks back at the leather jacket and swallows.  _ Ok, Dean might still be here _ , he thinks,  _ so it’s better if I just walk out now before _ …

“Going somewhere, Sammy?” Dean says by the kitchen entrance, arms folded. 

Sam closes his eyes briefly, then opens them and turns around. “Yeah. Work.”

“Plop your butt on the couch, Sammy.”

“Dean, I have fifteen minutes to get there. Can it wait until I get back?”

“Samuel, sit down now.” 

“No, Dean. I am not going to lose my only job because you need to be big brother now.” Sam spins back to the front door and grabs the doorknob.

“I called you in sick and they understood.”

Sam’s hand drops from the doorknob and he turns to look at Dean. “You did what?!”

“Called in sick for you.” 

“You can’t do that, Dean!”

“Apparently I can,” Dean tells Sam calmly.

“No, Dean, you can’t! I am not a child where you can call in sick for me! I am going in and hopefully I can explain to them that there was some mistake …” Before Sam can  even open the door, he feels himself being lifted over Dean’s shoulder as though he weighs nothing.

“DEAN! No! What are you doing?” Sam is kicking and failing in Dean’s fireman hold on him. “Put me down!”

And Dean does. But in a frigging highchair! Strapping Sam in and clicking in the tray.

Sam looks up and stares at Dean. ”What is this?”

“Dinner time,” Dean replies and moves back to the stove to serve Sammy his dinner.

He places the dinner plate on Sam’s tray. Sam looks down and sees it is Mac and Cheese but homemade with some steam veggies and breaded chicken. 

Sam looks up at Dean confused. “Why are you doing this, Dean?”

Dean leans back against the kitchen island counter, crosses his arms and looks at Sam with a straight face and sighs. “Do you recall our agreement for you going to Stanford?”

Sam scrounges his face, trying to think, but finds his mind drifting here and there. He finally puts his head down in embarrassment. “No” he answers quietly.

“No?” Dean questions. “Well there’s clue number one for you, Sammy.”

Sam starts to play with his fingers, twisting them here and there trying really hard to remember almost four years ago. What happened when he got his letter from Stanford? He can feel the anxiety rising in his chest just as it did that day as Dean stood in Bobby’s den with John as he read the letter; Bobby sitting at his desk and Sam sitting in his chair quietly waiting anxiously for Dean to finish … the small lightbulb goes off in Sam’s head right there and he looks up at Dean.

“Uh… you said I could go,” Sam says weakly.

Dean nods. “If?” he prods. Sam plays with his shirt buttons. “Sammy,” Dean’s tone leaves him no room to evade this.

Wet hazel eyes meet Dean’s. “I was good. Wasn’t naughty, De,” Sam’s lips tremble.

Dean sighs and squats down at eye level to Sammy in his highchair. “No, baby, you have not been naughty. But you have been neglectful of what we agreed upon,” Dean raises his eyebrows knowingly.

“No, no, no, you promised I could go to Stanford and-and take care of myself, you wouldn’t interfere,” Sam angrily blurts out as tears begin to fall down his ruddy cheeks.

“You’re right, I promised, Sammy, and I kept my promise. But if you recall, sweetheart,” Dean reaches and wipes away some of Sam tears, “I would step in if I saw you start to slide on any of the rules and schedules I set for you. To make sure you get plenty of sleep and eat well to keep your health up, physically and mentally,” Dean finishes.

“But that’s when I was 18!  I didn’t think that’d apply once I turned twenty-one! A legal adult. I am twenty-two, Dean. I can do whatever I want now,” Sam folds his arms across his chest and pouts.

“Oh really now. Is that what you believe?”

“Yes I’m all gr’wn up,” Sam continues pouting missing the tone of voice he is using and his baby lisp that just came out.

“Little boy, you know that was never the agreement. Nor is it the truth. You know I hate when you try to lie.”

“Not lying.”

“So you don’t recall saying you wouldn’t throw a fit if I showed up and step in the minute I saw your well-being decline because you’ve been neglecting sleep and eating? And this after I amended some of the rules two years ago.” Dean stands up and firmly looks at Sam.

“I… I…” Sam’s lips tremble. He hates how Dean makes him feel so damn vulnerable and so childlike when he’s around him. 

But part - a very small part – that Sam has pushed away since he turned twenty feels comforted and relieved Dean is here. He has been so tired these past two years. Here it is October - his least favorite month of the year - and he’s started feeling even worse, cranky, headachy, and just so damn tired all the time. 

He’s tried to remember his nap and bedtime hour. But Brady, Jess and the other student body are up at all hours of the night; especially during mid-terms and finals week. Jess had told him this is normal. All college kids pull all-nighters; especially when needing to turn in all types of ten to thirty page essays or projects with PowerPoint and other stuff and studying… 

FLASHBACK:

_ But she did tell Sam he didn’t have to, because she noticed the first time, anything the professors gave to him he’d actually get it done right away - same day or the next day. He at least organized and prioritized which paper to turn in first and which to turn in last, but still in less than three days. When assignments were usually due in two weeks or projects had a whole month to be turned in. _

_ But that’s always how it’s been. Dean taught him first homework then play time - and Sam actually agrees with that because why wait to the last minute - it doesn’t make sense when you can get it out of the way right away? _

_ Normal… Sam had bitten his lips when he heard that word again from Jess. She had immediately noticed the frowning worried look on Sam’s face, so quickly also told him it’s also normal to be a very well organized and responsible young adult. _

_ But Brady had added his two cents in with their friend Andrew sitting at their table. “Yeah of course it is, if you want to be seen as a kiss-up, teacher’s pet or anal retentive.” _

_ “What?” Sam looked startled. _

_ “Hey, don’t listen to him, Sam. It’s actually nice to see someone being responsible at a young age, when a lot of older people think we are not,” Jess defended. _

_ “But it’s fun if you have study groups with pizza parties to go with,” Andrew quipped. “And you know it’s true Miss-I-can-eat-a-whole-large-pizza-to-herself.”  _

_ Jessica punched Andrew, as he tries to stop her punches laughing too. Sam watched the interactions with his two friends and smiled.  _

_ Brady leaned over. “So what do you say, Winchester, study group tonight my place?” _

_ Sam looked down at his watch and saw it was 8:15pm. He needed to get back to his dorm soon. He needed to be in bed no later than 9:30pm and he also needed to call Dean as soon as he gets in, and ready for bed. _

_ “I’d like to go, but I’ve done all my work for all my classes. There wouldn’t be much for me to study,” Sam gave Bradly an apologetic look. _

_ Brady gave Sam a weird look. “You’re kidding, right? You were paying attention about pizza and party?” _

_ Sam gave Brady a confused look. “Then why are you calling it a study group?” _

_ “Oh my God, Winchester, you’re killing me here. It’s the only way an RA from the dorms allows us to have a group of friends over. Especially when it’s more than three people.” _

_ “So you’re not going to study?” _

_ “Well yeah later. Maybe another night when its getting closer to the due date. So you in?” _

_ “Uh… what time? _

_ “About nine. You know Jessica will be there too,” Brady added. _

_ Sam bit his lip but then smiled. “Yeah, ok. I just need to drop off some stuff and I’ll be there.”  _

_ “Great! See you later.” _

_ Sam got up to walk and then was stopped by Jess. “Hey, you sure about coming over? You know you don’t have to prove anything right?” _

_ “No, really, I’m fine. Since we are not really studying it’ll be fun to relax.” _

_ Jess smiled up at him. “It’ll be nice to see you there, since you never hang out with us after 9pm. Maybe we can talk some more and hang out?” _

_ Sam smile down at her and felt something stirring in his stomach. “Yeah that’d be nice.”  _

_ He really liked Jessica since Brady introduced them and have been hanging out as a group of friends these past six months after his twentieth birthday. Maybe this is what Dean told him about once, “You know she is the right girl, when you feel something in your gut and you get warm and happy every time you are around her”. _

_ “Yeah,” he smiled goofily back down at her. They start moving closer and closer and then as he felt this pull down to her face … _

_ “HEY, WINCHESTER! GET A ROOM YOU TWO,” Andrew called out laughing silly with Brady…  _

_ Sam’s face got red. Jess just smiled up at him as they pulled back. She quickly tiptoed on her feet and kissed his cheek. _

_ “See you later, Sam.” She walked away towards the guys and gave one glance back to him.  _

_ Sam felt like he was walking on clouds, he doesn’t remember getting to his dorm. Just feeling like the wind was knocked out of him as he flopped on his bed. Jess was amazing since day one he met her. He touched his cheek and actually sighed and he was going to spend more time with her tonight… wait ugh! Tonight! Sam smacked his head and sat up fast he saw the time quickly; it was 9pm. He was supposed to call Dean ten minutes to 9pm to make sure Sam was in for the night. _

_ He pulled out his cellphone and looked at it for a minute. Maybe he can pretend he fell asleep and forgot to call Dean. The phone began to ring loudly and Sam almost dropped it. He didn’t have to look down to know it was Dean. He didn’t want to answer for the first time since he’s been here. He’s biting his lips, thinking he could still play ‘I was asleep’, but he felt sick when he tries to lie to his brother. He flips the phone open. _

_ “Hel …” _

_ “SAMMY! Oh my god, what happened? Are you okay?”  _

_ Sam cringed at the over worried voice of Dean. “Yeah, sorry for taking long to answer. I was, uh, in the bathroom,” he finished weakly. _

_ There was a silent pause on the other side of the phone. Sam swallows and waits for Dean to say something. _

_ “Sammy, is there a reason why you didn’t want to pick up your phone?” _

_ Sam cringed. “I already said why.” _

_ “That’s nice. Now why don’t you try again without lying this time,” Dean’s voice has an edge to it.  _

_ Sam feels himself tear up a bit. It’s not fair. Why does his big brother make him feel as though he did something terribly wrong? Just cause he didn’t pick up the phone by a certain time or call. Most normal people left voice messages and waited to get a call back from family members. But no. He had to have a brother who insisted on a call time and if he was late by one measly minute than all hell breaks loose. _

_ “Sammy, I’m waiting.” _

_ Sam huff into the phone, face scrunching up as he responds. “Dean, do you realize I am twenty years old and in college?” was his answer to Dean’s question. “And not once have I ever given you problems to worry since I’ve been here.” _

_ “Sam, that’s not what I am asking you. I know you’ve never given me a reason to worry, but I’ve never given you a reason to lie to me before, you know how I hate that. Especially when you are clearly hiding something.” _

_ “Dean, look I’m sorry. I’m not hiding anything. It’s just that, well, I was going to call you but then you call and interrupted my train of thought, before I could call you and-and-and …” Sam paused (why was this so hard, it’s really no big deal) _

_ “And?” Dean continued for him. _

_ Sam took a deep breath and let it out. “And I was on my way out. That’s what I was going to call you and tell you …” _

_ “On your way out? Sam its 9:05pm,” Dean interrupted Sam before he finished. _

_ “Yeah, I’m aware of the time and that’s why I was going to give a courtesy call to tell you not to worry. I am going to be hanging out at Brady’s place with some friends,” Sam finishes a little bit lamely, actually his voice quavered a bit in the end there. _

_ There is of course silence on the other side of the phone after Sam is finished speaking. Sam started to actually squirm on his bed as he can picture Dean staring at him waiting for something from Sam. He started fiddling with his zipper on his hoodie… _

_ It was still silent…Sam took a deep breath. “So if you’re okay, I am going to say goodnight Dean and I’ll call you tomorrow?” _

_ “Are you asking me or telling me, Sammy?” _

_ Oh, oh that tone. He knows he’s got five seconds to answer correctly or what…? Dean’s far away it’s not like he’s going to come through the phone and ground him. But he still stumbled. “Uh, I was informing you, Dean, about my whereabouts and I’ll check-in when I get there and when I leave and uh when I get back in?” He quickly amended. _

_ “Sammy, you know the rules before you left to Stanford. I don’t mind you wanting to hang out with friends but you need to let me know ahead of time, not the last minute.” _

_ “I’m sorry, Dean. It was just sprung up at me.” Sam’s hope flared as he heard Dean’s voice tone down a little bit and sounding tired instead of angry. “I promise as soon as I know next time I’ll tell you ahead of time?” _

_ “That’s good. I’m sorry that you’ll need to rain check this for next time, but I’m sure your friends will understand.” _

_ Sam froze on the phone; he swallows before responding. “Why would I need to rain check today? I mean you know where I’ll be right now.” _

_ “Sammy, I don’t begrudge you wanting to hang out with friends. But this will afford you not to forget the next time. So the answer is no, Sammy. You are not going out today. You can call your friends and tell them next time. And then tell me when next time is so I can meet your friends beforehand.” _

_ “But…but I already said I would go!” _

_ “And now you will call back and say you can’t. You can blame it on me and make me out to be the bad guy.” _

_ “Dean, that’s stupid! Do you know how that will sound?! Like, ‘sorry can’t make it because my big brother said no’. Even though I’m fucking twenty years old and live on my own!” _

_ “Little Boy, you will do as you’re told and I don’t want to hear you use that swear word again, do you understand?” _

_ Sam’s breathe hitches and he feels the tears coming of frustration and also overwhelming unfairness. It’s a tantrum getting ready to explode, but Sam takes a deep breath and exhales. He’s been here two years. He’s a twenty year old male with a GPA of 4.00. He can speak to his brother rationally and diplomatically. _

_ ‘No, DEAN, I want to go today! You can’t tell me what to do anymore, I’m an adult!” Sam kicks his foot at his bed. _

_ “Excuse me?! _

_ “I’m going, Dean, and you can’t stop me …” and then Sam stops as he hears the jingling of keys in the background. _

_ “Pretty sure I didn’t hear that correctly because you know I’m about three hours out and will get there within one and a half hours.” _

_ Sam, out of habit, immediately covered his butt with his left hand. “No Dean! I mean I’m sorry,” he quickly amended. “I just, just please, please Dean. I want to see Jess. I promised Jess I’d be there,” he voice quavers with emotion. _

_ Dean lets out a long sigh. “Jess? Is this a girl, Sammy?” _

_ Sam nods his head as he scuffed his sneakers as though Dean could see him _

_ “Sammy?” _

_ “Uh yeah” he finally whispers “She’s nice, Dean, and pretty,” he softly says. _

_ Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as he swallows this new development in his little brother’s life. Well it was bound to happen. He takes a deep breath looks down at his watch; its already 9:20pm. They have been talking now for twenty minutes. _

_ “Okay, Sam. If she’s nice she will understand …” _

_ “But, Dean!” _

_ “Let me finish, Sam. She will understand you can’t stay out late this long this time, but next time you will.” _

_ “You mean I can go?!” Sam holds up hope again. _

_ “I am making the exception this one time, Sammy. But only one hour and thirty minutes. You call me when you are leaving the place, got it?” _

_ “Yes, Dean,” Sam replied happily. “Thank you, Dean, you’re the best!” _

_ “Yeah, yeah,” Dean waves off. “Oh, Sammy, we are talking about this tomorrow.” _

_ “Oh? Okay, Dean. What time did you want me to call?” _

_ “No, Buddy boy, I’ll be there in-person after your second class. We’ll grab lunch and then we’ll talk.”  _

**Present:**

Dean is standing over Sam and holds out two fingers. “Two years, Sam. I left you alone for two years, didn’t bother you, because after that talk you convinced me to trust you to do this. All you had to do was call once a week on a Friday.”

Sam puts his head down and sniffs. He knows where this is headed. “I tried, Dean, I really, really tried.”

“I know, Sammy, and that’s all I asked you that time. But you sleep four to maybe five hours a night. Eat snacks and supplements instead of full meals. Because of this you have shadows under your eyes and you’ve fallen asleep in some of your classes.”

Sam is about to protest but Dean cuts him off.

“No, Sam. I’ve spoken to your professors before coming today. Mr. Dimarco in history is most worried about you. You’ve made a couple of mistakes on some of your assignments, but not enough to hurt your GPA. Because you’ve been a great student he has let those slide and worked with you to turn it in at other times.

“Also according to your Physician - which dad and I set up so you can keep your annual checkups - your last checkup was after your twentieth birthday and that’s because I took you. You have not been back since except to go to the student health center a few times because Jess noticed you were feeling dizzy with headaches. They sent the report to your physician. Care to tell me what I found out?”

Sam squirmed in his highchair, wishing he was anywhere but here. He knew what was coming next, but he was just too stubborn to admit that he needs help or that there really is anything wrong. When he knows - not just subconsciously but consciously too - that he has been feeling tired, so much more these days (for the past year) and hungry and mentally off, and so god damn cranky, that if he does not take a moment to breathe, he knows he so wants to fall down and just throw the biggest tantrum. 

The small melt down he let out when Dean tried to put him down for a nap earlier today was actually a relief.

“Baby, I asked you a question.”  

Sam awoke from his thoughts. He sees Dean is now standing right next to him, concern in his eyes as he realizes Sammy had space out.

Sammy bit his lips, he knows Dean already knows… “They said I needed to eat more food?” Sam looks at Dean through his bangs timidly.

Dean narrows his eyes. “They’re exact words were you ‘are underweight due to malnourishment, to please follow up with your primary doctor to make sure you get a nutritionist and continue health guidance for your continuity of health’.”

“Oh.”

“‘Oh’ is right, little man. You do know Nancy called me when you didn’t show up to the schedule appointment the student health center set up for you.”

Sam looked up quickly, realization dawning on him. N _ ancy, stupid Dr. Cooper’s assistant, called Dean. That’s why Dean is here! _ Sam thinks scowling face on, which Dean can read immediately- what’s probably passing through his baby brother‘s head

“Oh no, Sammy, you can stop that train of thought and think this is Nancy’s fault. It would not matter if she did not call me, I was planning to come down here this week.

“Don’t think that I haven’t been keeping tabs on you for two years, did you really think I wouldn’t know? The staying out late, almost every night, long nights studying into the early hour mornings, the mini anxiety attacks you call Jim on to help you this year with? Who do you think drove him down those two times? After the second one, I’d already decided to drive down and Nancy’s call was just the cherry on the cake.”

“Pastor Jim told you what happened when I called him?!” Sam face got red.

Dean reaches down to Sam and gently ruffles his hair. “Of course he did. And there’s not need to be embarrassed. Accidents happen. Why didn’t you call me, Sammy?”

Sam’s eyes glaze over as he looks up to his big brother. He tries to keep his composure but it is hard. “Because Dean it’s not normal and not at my age,” his voice quavers. “I-I-I have a perfect GPA and a part time job, a real nice part-time job and did you know I scored a one-seventy-four on my LSAT Dean. But one, just one nightmare and I lose control of, of… of…” Sam sighs as one tear escapes; he can’t voice what happened out loud. ”Just thank god Jess was out visiting her aunt that weekend in San Francisco,” he finishes with a watery huff.

Sam looks up quickly as he feels the tray being removed. He sees his big brother reach down for him and Sam goes willingly into his arms. There is such a joy in Sam’s heart as he feels the embrace Dean gives him as he rubs his back, he settles his head contently on Dean’s shoulder. He feels himself tear up; god he’s missed this sooo much these past two years. Why, why did he push his brother away? Dean never judges him. Dean never made fun of him or made him feel like a freak. Dean’s always there to offer comfort and protection and love freely.

They sit together on the living room couch of Sam’s and Jess apartment. 

Dean holds Sam on his lap as he comforts him and thinks on the next step he needs to let Sam know. He looks over at the clock and sees it’s already fifteen pass 6pm and knows they need to leave soon. He gets himself ready for a another possible fight from Sam, but maybe not, as he’s already observed Sam knows he’s been slipping, sliding and floundering emotionally and mentally.

So he might be amendable for a break away from school and Jess if Dean informs him it’s just to get him re-stabled with the boundaries he needs and grew up with, which he’s feel better with? 

Of course, there have been new developments that have been happening since Sam left for Stanford. Kid is not aware but more reports of demon activity have popped up. Dean and his dad, not to mention friends Jim, Caleb and Bobby have been busy with sightings and possessions. Not to mention strange activities getting closer to Stanford.

Sam is not aware that it is not just Dean visiting Stanford. As of last year John upped his visitation from once a month to three times a month. Just three months ago he finally sat Dean down and told him everything he knows and patterns about what he has been researching in regards to the yellow eye demon. 

Dean had been stunned, then the anger rose in him when he realized what John was saying and had been keeping all this away from him.

John knows Dean wants this son of bitch since he could talk again, revenge for his mother’s death. But now hearing it is possibly after Sam, no way in hell is he going to sit by and let it take his kid away. But when Dean started questioning what more his dad knew, he felt as though his dad was still keeping something to himself.

**Flashback:**

_ “Why’s it after Sam?!” _

_ “I don’t know, Dean.” _

_ “You don’t know?! What do you mean, you don’t know!” _

_ “Exactly what I meant. I don’t know!” John stood up and walked away. “Look, all I know so far is that it was in Sammy’s room, for a reason and your mom …” John almost choked on that part “… just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe she walked in on it doing something, maybe she interrupted him which would be a good thing.” _

_ Dean looked in horror at his Dad. “Doing something. What do you mean doing something? And how was Mom dying a good thing! How did you come up with this new theory?! _

_ “Just know that I do, Dean. That’s all you need to know.” _

_ “That’s bullshit, Dad! You tell me what is going on!” Dean pushes.  _

_ John breaks. “Because there’s been others!” _

_ Dean takes a step back stunned. “What?” _

_ “There’s been others, Dean.” John sounds tired, he sighs. “In ‘82,’81, in ‘80, and so forth … same thing happened.” _

_ “Dad, what do you mean same thing happened?” Dean has a pleading look of desperation. _

_ “Nursey went up in flames and with their parent burnt on the ceiling,” John looks sadly over to Dean. _

_ “What?” Dean voice falters. “What are you saying?” _

_ “We aren’t the only ones who suffered this tragedy, Dean. There have been other families. Somehow this thing has done this for reasons, I’m not sure what yet, but I am worried for Sam.” _

_ “Why? What aren’t you telling me?” _

_ “I tracked them, Dean,” John gives Dean such a sad defeated look. “And the babies that were in the crib and survived, like your brother, they were different.” _

_ “Different? How?” _

_ John sighs again and looks at his oldest and knows this was not going to be easy to hear and Bobby was right about this one. Dean and maybe Sam needed to hear what he learned the last two years possibly earlier but those were suspicions, not ground solid fact as he told Singer so he didn’t want to cause worry if it wasn’t merited especially to their youngest.  _

_ Sammy is so young and innocent and Dean’s done his best to protect that, and he’d be damn if he was going to let some yellow eye demon steal that from them, they’ve lost so much because of that bastard. So of course he kept quiet. But he figured out that there was a difference between Sammy and those others kids; Sammy knows about the things that go bump in the night and all the horrors of monsters, demons, loss and pain. But through it all John was so damn happy, as was Dean, that Sammy somehow maintained that sweet innocence.  _

_ Which is why he allowed Dean to treat Sam the way he has, it was there only light at the end of the day/hunt. He and Dean were never going to let it be extinguished by any monster or humans. And John realizes this now even more; maybe the answer in saving Sam and keeping him safe, is Sammy’s innocent childlike behavior. _

_ He looks again at Dean as he ponders this, Dean waiting for him to say something. _

_ “Dean, sit down, we need to talk and it will probably be a long night.” John reached in his duffel and pull out a file filled with clippings and research papers.  _

_ It’s time _ _ John thinks. _

_ One week later after this discussion, John would disappear. _

**Present:**

Dean holds Sam closer to his chest, his little brother just sighs into him. Then Sam’s tummy grumbles, reminding Dean he needs to get something in the kid before they leave. He gently sits his brother upright. Sam blinks at him confused, wanting to go back against his big brother’s chest.

“Okay, Sammy, we need to get some nourishment in you before you shower and change.” He places Sam on the couch as he got up to walk over to the counter where he left Sammy’s dinner plate. He felt the bottom of the food plate - still warm - he walks back to Sam who still looks a bit upset and confused.

Dean places the dinner plate on the coffee table in front of Sam. Sam looks down at the plate and gives a sad look to his brother. 

“Not hungry, De” and pushes the plate away, and pouts as he turns away from Dean.

“Sammy, you need to eat a little at least.” 

“No.” sounding all of two (whiny and sullen) then it hits Dean, of course, Sam has been slipping and declining, this is no different, how could he forget. Dean walks up to the coffee table picks up Sam’s plate and sits down in front of Sam.

Dean lifts up the plastic fork with a little bit of Mac and Cheese on it. “Okay, Sammy, open up.” 

Sam looks over his shoulder and sees Dean holding out the fork towards him, part of him lights up and feels warm at the familiar sight of Dean feeding him. The other part is still stubborn. “No” he says more sullenly and twists away from Dean.

“Sammy, come on baby, it has crushed goldfish cracker baked in.”

Sam looks over again curiously this time and untwists himself and sits facing Dean.

“Fish craker’s?” Sam voice again slips to baby talk. 

Dean smiles inwardly. “Yup, come on.”

Sam opens up hesitantly and Dean slips in the spoon and you see the change immediately, Sam smiles big up at Dean, “S’good,” and opens up for more. 

Dean starts spoon feeding him the rest as Sam happily devours spoonful after spoonful as he squeezes the small throw pillow that was on the couch next to him and pick up and is bouncing slightly too with each feed. He finishes all the Mac and Cheese and Dean picks up one of the chicken strips next and Sam makes a face.

“No, De, full, don’t wan’it,” Sam slips some more and then yawns. “Tired, De.” 

Dean looks at his watch and sees it 6:45pm getting close to bath time and Sammy’s old bedtime 8pm. He needs to get Sammy packed and ready to leave soon before Jessica gets home at 10pm.

“Okay, sweetheart, do you want some juice?” Dean gets up with the plate as he makes to walk to the kitchen. 

Sam perks up a bit. “Juice! Yes, p’ease” Sam bounces up and down on the couch. 

Dean places the plate in the sink and reaches off the side of the cabinet and grabs the sippy cup he filled earlier with organic apple juice. He walks over to Sam and hands him his juice cup. Sam automatically starts sucking on the soft rubber spout of the sippy cup without causing a fuss.

Dean thinks,  _ perfect _ .Sam is completely immersed right now. Just goes to show Sam is not as grown up as he thinks he is when it comes to his emotional well-being. Sam sits back and leans on the couch and starts to relax. Not wanting to break the contentment spell Sammy is under, he thinks maybe he should just pack Sammy’s duffle bag for him and then talk to him after. Or just let him fall asleep as he can see that is where Sam is headed right now as he sees Sammy’s eyelids start to droop as he keeps trying to drink his juice. Then just carry him to the car. 

Yeah option B sounds better.

Dean picks up his leather jacket from the couch’s back where he left it folded. He covers Sammy with it. Sam instantly grips the jacket and starts to settle completely. Dean stands up and walks over to Sam and Jess’s bedroom. He goes to the closet and looks above the closet’s shelves and sees Sammy’s duffle, he pulls it down and opens it up.

He starts packing Sammy’s bag with basic stuff, toothpaste and brush, plus his other toiletries stuff. He opens drawers and pulls out a couple of shirts and grabs some of Sam’s favorite plaid shirts. He pulls some socks and then stops and holds some boxers briefs and seems to thinks about it before he grabs just three and leaves the rest in the drawers. 

He continues to pack and then finally walks out of the bedroom to Sammy.

He sees the frown on Sammy’s face and frustrating sound every time Sam tries to hold the sippy cup in his mouth only for it to start slipping out again. Sammy eyes are closed, Dean walks over to him and eases the cup away, and Sam begins to silently start to sniffle and whimper. Dean reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a blue and pink pacifier and with balloon designs on it. He reaches over and places it in Sam’s mouth who immediate takes it and finally settles. 

Dean waits for a few more minutes watching the rise of Sam’s chest and then walks over to the living room door with Sam’s bag. He makes sure to lock the door behind him and he walks outside the apartment building to the Impala outside. He opens the trunk of the car and places Sam’s bag inside. Reaches in and grabs a blue blanket from the corner and closes the trunk and walks back inside the building.

He unlocks the door to Sam’s apartment and walks in to see Sam snuggled up in the leather jacket and sleeping. He quickly leaves a note for Jessica in Sammy’s chicken scratch writing; informing her he left with Dean to spend a 3 day weekend with him and will call her as soon as he checks into a hotel. He places it on the kitchen counter with a daisy flower.

He walks to Sam and smiles down at him. “OK, sasquatch, time to hit the road.” He leans down and eases Sam up a bit. Sam just snuffles a bit but still holds on to the jacket. 

Then with practiced ease, Dean lifts Sam up and walks out the door with his baby brother. Even though the kid has grown three inches taller than Dean he is still light weight since he’s not been eating right. He smiles and Sam seems to know he is in Dean’s arms because he just cuddles closer to his chest, and sucking more on his pacifier.

They make it outside to the Impala. Dean easily leans his right side frame with Sammy in arm and unlocks the passenger door and leans in with Sammy and places him inside leaning to the left so he can close the door quickly but quietly. He rounds the front of the car and gets in his side, at the same time from possibly body memory and instinct recognition Sammy starts to slide towards Dean and lays his head on Dean’s thigh and proceed to use him as a pillow. 

Dean chuckles low and fondly at his baby brother. He reaches over and grabs the blue blanket and places it over Sam. He starts the car and pulls out on to the road.  _ Okay _ , he thinks as he pulls on to the highway,  _ next town is another couple of hours we’ll pull into a nice hotel so Sam can sleep in a proper bed for more than five hours of sleep. _

Then he needs to fill Sam in on the disappearance of their father, but also about his new rules for Sam and hopefully a nice surprise for Sam when he wakes up and Dean takes him to it. Dean agrees with John about keeping Sammy safe and the house that their Dad managed to somehow purchase and keep it a secret, was a perfect stable place for Sammy to feel free to be himself and for Dean to start pulling him back to that baby innocence and hopefully thwart the yellow eyes demon plans.

But he’ll have to wait and see. Especially since Sam has two great things going for him; a Law interview in four days and he knows he was planning on proposing to Jess after he nailed the interview. Dean likes the girl Jess, she seems really in-love with his little brother and seems to honestly care and would never do anything to harm him. Which if his gut instinct tells him he is right Sam should have been honest with her - okay maybe not the whole truth about Dean and John being hunters of the supernatural.

But at least about his little quirks and personality traits. Dean thinks she might have been understanding, another reason why he is taking Sam away for four days, to acclimate him back in this position and to talk to him about Jess and get him to see his girl will understand he shouldn’t be scared. 

Sam meanwhile starts to squirm and make baby noises while he sleeps. Dean reaches down with one hand and starts to rub Sam’s head to get him to relax. He needs Sam to stay asleep for a little while longer and he has no doubt that he will, since “Baby” always could put Sammy to sleep and keep him asleep until she was turned off, then Sam would wake up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy chapter one of Hush-a-by Sammy and you get a chance to comment!  
> Chapter 2 is completed, miss. pixieleigh 1234 is in the process of editing chapter 2.  
> Please be patient and I'll see by the number of comments and kudos to continue with this one as well :)
> 
> Also I am thankful for all the love and comments you've all have given me on all my works ( which I still believe are not awesome and cool as some of the other writers who write on here) but I'm getting there :)  
> You guys have been so kind and sweet to me I am forever grateful to you all!


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